And there she went off, not asking or speaking, not arranging a later meeting or something like this. I am surprised, sitting in my chair and do neither know her name nor why she did this for me.

It was a terrible day, our course went to London, "sightseeing", being in England for 3 weeks certainly implies a tour to the capital, even if it is raining cats and dogs and nobody actually wants to go out, you had to. So we went, guarded by an english expert, showing us all the cathedrals, churches and famous buildings London had to offer. The afternoon was free for shopping and making own plans. If the weather had been better, we would have been interested to see and visit more, but walking in the rain since the early morning everyone only longed for a dry place. I had lost the others in the crowds of men and umbrellas, so I just entered the next café, shattering and feeling cold and really wet through the bones. Near a window I found a free place and ordered a cup of tea. Having warmed up a little I noticed the central heating and grabbed my jacket to hang it over for drying. In this second I banged with the arm on my cup and nearly the whole tea was spread over my trousers, so after cold wetness I was hot wetted now and table, chair and bottom were swimming in tea, too. "It´s really not my day, today" I murmured while going to the waitress for explaining my misfortune, apologizing and ordering a new cup of tea. They were all very friendly and full of pity and gave me towels for rubbing my trousers, but I felt awfully ashamed about it and would have left the café immediatly, but there was the new tea and the thought that I had to stay for not insulting the helpful waitresses. And there was the rain outside, not a nice place there either, so I sat down again, with my wet trousers and tried to be careful with the new cup of tea, coming soon, concentrating on my shaking hands. All my thoughts were gone, inside my head was only gloomy darkness and a depressing mood was growing up.

Sitting there, stareing without seing anything, I shrieked up, when a rough voice asked for the free place at my table. I nodded, totaly confused, and the person, I hadn´t seen her entering the café, took place next to me, starting immediatly reading a book. So I had time to come back to reality and the actual situation and could "inspect" her without harm. It was a lady between 40 and 50 perhaps, expressing strength with her whole body, thin, musceled, not very female, and exspecially her face, lips like a line, long nose and nearly black eyes with a glimpse of sadness and the expression of a strong will which has been proved a lot. She wasn´t a person to get in contact easily and I wasn´t in the mood to search for contact, so we both let silence reign and went on drinking tea, staring without seing, reading. My thoughts went to the course, all the new persons I wasn´t able to get in contact with and from there immediatly to selfhate and wishes of dieing immediatly, because whatever I had tried to become a member of a group of young people, it was failure, again and again, and I always found myself in the role of the outsider who was different from all the others and was regarded suspiciously. There were thoughts about taking sleeping-pills with alcohol, cutting myself with a knife, jumping from a high building, mixed with thoughts of responsibility, life as a present, the sadness of my family, the irreal hope that there might come a change sometimes later, but the desire of being dead and leaving all this life-stuff behind grew nevertheless.

"Another cup of coffee please", the waitress had come and stood besides the table "and well, can I order something for you, too?" I looked up, saw her face, the strength and somewhere the link to her heart, she never would show directly. "Oh, I don´t know, I..." "You´ve just finished your tea, havn´t you?" "Yes, but..." "So what? Another tea then?" "Well, yes, thank you for the invitation" "Invitation! I´m only sitting there, don´t want to go out, as you" and she went on reading again. Tea and coffee arrived, we drank, but there was no chance to break in her circle of roughness and strength. Nevertheless there was something between us now, which helped me to get away from negative thoughts. When she left I saw for a second something white looking out under her jacket: wings?