She met him in a little café. She sat at a table, drinking tea, reading. It was the first time she came here, new in town she was looking for a café which could become her favourite. He went in with his friends, there was no free table any more so they decided to ask her for the free places. Not long and they were talking together and found each other sympathic. Several hours later they went in a pub and went on with beer. It was a lovely evening and he gave her his telephone number. She knew that he had a girlfriend and because his companion was gay and had asked herself she had outed herself easily, so the frontiers were clear: friendship, no love.

He met her in the underground and immediatly felt attracted. He sat down beside her and ignoring her staring out of the window he started talking to her, in english, because he felt more familiar than in german and could express himself easier. He demonstrately showd her his feelings, touching her shoulder and arm, grabbing her hands, etc. She felt quite uncomfortable and there were several stations to her house still left. She felt very sorry for him that his heart had choosen so wrong.

They met several months later, she had telephoned at last and again they went in a little café together and again in a pub later. A lovely evening again, there were enough stuff to talk and a comfortable basis of relaxed conversation-style. She could joke with him like with an older brother, or perhaps more like a younger brother because even he was 2 years older she had the impression of the charming naivity of a child, she enjoyed it. Nevertheless there were moments in the midst of conversation were she caught a dark glance in his eyes she wasn´t able to interpret. Fright and a shiver of panic touched her but she told herself not to be childish, he was only a friend, not more and showed no sign to long for more. Later when they had to go into different directions home he told her that his girlfriend had left him like others talk about a new shirt they bought last week, then they embraced shortly and said good-bye.

The words changed. At the beginning he had "liked" her, she was "sweet" and "funny" and he felt "attracted" and offered "friendship". Now it was "love", an "uncontrollable strong feeling", he was a "human being" just a "man" and she a "woman" and he couldn´t see "why not?" They had reached her home station and she got out, hoping to escape at last but no chance he followed immediatly and didn´t stop his explanations of love and "suffering". Her unwillingness was for him just a sign of "racial suspicion" so he became defiant and in some way agressive: "and why not? Because I´m black? Is it that? But I´m a human being, can´t you see?" "Sure I can, that´s not the problem, but you are a man and I´m not looking for a relationship or love or sex affair or whatever, I´m really not interested, I´m sorry, so sorry."

Another meeting, together they went to a concert from his friends in a little private club. Before they started they had some drinks and talking but she noticed that the conversation wasn´t so fluently and easily as before, often he stopped in the midst of a story or even a sentence and just stared at her as if he had completely forgotten what about they were talking. She tried to ignore it and filled the holes but it was hard work and her doubts grew. She tried to calm herself, that he knew about her homosexuality and must have accepted because they never had talked about love and feelings or relationship and other difficult things later, no intimacy, no deeper questions. A big release for her.

He nearly started crying in front of her, embraced her strongly and told her about the bible and Adam and Eve, that the woman should be the companion of the man and that she had to accept his feelings and handle him with care, etc. Her weak protest that she couldn´t love him in return he ignored completely, it wasn´t important. He had found his woman for life, a woman which attracted him, which he explodingly loved, it was kismet and God´s special will that she should become his woman. She was able to speak english and understood him, she was christian and well, she didn´t love him but it was her duty to develop love to him, wasn´t it? Moment of panic when he grabbed her more hardly and embraced her passionately, trying to free herself she knew that she was psychically killed from love again. "Stop it, go and don´t follow me any more."

During the concert her senses were absorbed by the music, she looked at the musicians, listened and applauded. It was fascinating and she nearly forgot the man beside her, but when she noticed him she felt guilty because she saw something growing in his inner which found way through his eyes and which frightened her deeply. She hoped that there would never be a word about it between them. Late at night, they had to separate, his embracing was much more intense for several seconds she struggled for freedom in his possessing arms squeezing his overwhelming love into her, killing her, as so many men before - without a word.