Anger and Adoration

Donnerstag, 25. Dezember 2008

I´m doing my work correctly. I´m always here from 8 to 4 but usually I start earlier and go home much later. There´s no time for lunch or I being honest forget about it, there´s only once a month time for a cup of tea during the day. I´m not unsatisfied with the situation I stopped thinking about long ago. I don´t want that one has something to correct or any remarque concerning my work, I don´t like critics.

- oh, you´re still here?
- well...
- workingday´s ending at 4
- I know but I havn´t watched the time, I was busy with this special case here
- I know there are many people here who stopped working immediatly at 4, it´s honorable for you if you´ve other principles. I myself normally work till 7 or 8 that´s no problem (there´s a strange tone in his voice) if you find your work fascinating and like it. (he paused, then, as finding back to his daily voice) I wish there would be more like you here.
- thanks, I never thought about it.

He was a good boss, working hard for the firm, most of the time the first who came and the last who went. He was a calm person didn´t talk much, just the necessary things. He was very precice didn´t like pondering around and making a fuss of words over a thing. "Short and exact" was his device. There were this new employée, just one month in his group and even more quiet than himself. At first he hasn´t noticed her just wondering whoelse works early in the morning and still in late-afternoon. She reminds him of his youth, his start in this firm.

There it is, just a moment perhaps but precice like a shot in your heart: A sceptical glance out of the edge of his eyes and she knows, he has seen through her, he knows that she doesn´t like her work, this stupid and never ending documentation of cases, most of them closed years ago but for her still daily work. She is ashamed, looking down she tries to reconcil her composure. She works hard and overaverage for not showing how she hates it.

After 4 months she gets the chance to stay and work for the next 3 years in the firm, the leader of the whole department is there smiling enthusiastically at her and also her boss. She feels like being catched in a trap, fearfully she looks around not exspecting that anyone will understand her pain, her helplessness. She captured a warning glance from her boss and with a pang she realizes: The scepsis in his eyes, was it only for her?

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