Would I be able to love again, after years and years of solitude? I had killed my feelings because love always was pain and failure for me. I had tried 2 or 3 times when I was young between 16 and 22, the last was the worst and I sweared never to fall in love again.

Would I be able to love again? The girl over there in the train attracts my attention. She isn´t really beautiful, but her eyelashes are extremely long and so the eyes have a special charme. I look at her but there aren´t any feelings except a certain interest which you also have when you observe an exotic animal. Her handy rings, she´s really embarrassed and looks apologizing to the other people around. When our eyes met I smile understandingly and she answers with her little laugh. And there´s this strange feeling that I like to laugh with her, a flutter in the stomach a tickle and the absurd thought how it might be to share our laughs.

Would I be able to love again? I´m in a café, on the table next to me 3 girls, talking. I look, how would it be to flirt with one, and which one would I choose? It´s a sort of a game, one is really pretty I judge neutral without any feelings. Her hair is short and blond, she has a dominant style of speaking, behaving, yes I like it and there´s strength in her upright sitting and gesturing. How would it be to touch her, to finger through her short hair? Feeling her skin? For long there´s no chance to keep her eyes but then she shockes me with a directly stare at me and throws me into a short time of intimacy and nearness and there´s this feeling again: wanting to laugh with her.

Would I be able to love again? There´s this girl on the street, hopping around, waving her hair, laughing about something I don´t know what. A man on her side, holding her hand, looking down at her in a protecting and adoring way. Could I imagine to be on his position, holding her hand, being a couple of love? I follow them, concentrating on her long brown hair, it reminds me of summer and wind at the north sea, freedom, games of lightness. She looks back, seing me she winks with an eye, laughing, I think of a young foal, frolicsome. I smile back, there´s tenderness between us, just for a second and I´d like to laugh with her for the rest of my life.

I must answer No. There are still moments when I think "sure I can" feeling quite strong and filled with loving energy, but the moments will become more and more rare, I havn´t the power any more, too many years of cooling down my burning heart has shown an effect: I´m psychically crippled there´s no chance.

But there´s still the longing for a person coming along, laughing with me and the end of this endless asking myself: Would I be able...