Nobody expect that flowers grow high up into the sky.
Nobody expect that a dog will run around the world.
Nobody expect that a man will become a hero during his life.
That´s not the problem, but
everyone expect from you to have aims and goals and ideas what to do in your future.
It´s impossible to have no visions no plans no special wishes for your later profession.

I´m asking you: Why?

Give me time to sit in a small café
give me time to lay in the sun
give me time to dream and hear the eternal music
give me freetime from my thoughts

Normally your days are full of work and learning.
Normally you always will have something to do.
Normally everyone will treat you as if you are only here for them.
And normally you never will have time to ask yourself:

Is this all right, is this the life you´ve expected since you were a little child?

Give me time to see the people´s faces
give me time to watch the clouds change
give me time to hope and hear the eternal music
give me freetime from my duties

You will become older, your time will run away,
you certainly will miss friends and beloved,
they´ll die and you will notice what you´ve lost.
Time always goes forward, with long steps, straight over people
without a glance at the poor which have lost their time
without a pity for them whose time is over
always going and going.

So let us stop the stream of daily life
and let us do something special
something we´ve always dreamt of

I´ll take the time to watch the clouds
I´ll take the time to free myself from duties
I´ll take the time to go away finding the eternal music
I´ll take freetime from planning goals I never, never wanted!

And you?

Later, when I thought back, I always had the feeling that it might had come different and it might had exist a better solution than the one which was choosen from fate, if you believe in things like this. At the beginning there were only 3 persons, closely put together to see what would happen. As human beings they were they immediatly started to get in contact with each other and created relationships. There was Adelaide, nice little woman, very feminine behavior and looking into the world with a strong feeling that there is always something good in a person and a God, who reigns in heaven. And there was Bernhard, very masculine behavior, always the strong wish to produce himself and make impression to the woman-folks, therefore a bit difficult to handle. And the 3rd one was Catherine, nearly the opposite of Adelaide, always wanting to be accepted by her work and rational thoughts and opinion, denying her whole female side.

Now, the reaction started, A was interested in B, B tried to get in contact with C, and C liked A, but immediatly forbid herself for she had had enough troubles with similar trials in former times and didn´t want to become involved again. So we had one person doing nothing (C), one person producing himself as masculine as possible (B) and one just communicating as usual but dreaming and admiring more and more (A). Consequently there was a circle and yet no couple was produced, even all of them wished it in their inner souls and allowed them - more or less - to find out more about the status of the specific person. For example B took a seat next to C and made his arm touch hers or he stood often beside her and contacted her with his body. But that was the only softness he allowed himself, in speech and discussions he behaved very rude and arrogant to her, so that she never found out about his real feelings for her. A on the other side started with little presents and friendly talks, about their working process and as he didn´t had real feelings for her at this time, she was accepted as a sort of "good-fellow" you easily can talk with about everything. A valued that as a sign of sympathy and reaction to her own heart-status and was glad to have success in this affair. She soon called him "friend" when he still was involved in his trials going further with C.

At this point we were very curious to see how this might be going on, and if we would have a couple in the end, still a circle or nothing or some quarrel. We bet, really, even it wasn´t allowed, but what else could we do in our position?

C reacted at the beginning similar to us, she just observed the two, noticing immediatly A´s feelings for B and that B was not sensitive enough even to notice it. It killed her heart to see, that she herself had no place in this constellation, being blind for B´s avances and not able to accept them, anyway. So the only thing she could do was to give B a hint, and when she reached this point of thinking she immediatly did so. There was a terrible quarrel between C and B, some unnecessary subject at work they weren´t able to manage together and nearly at the end, high-emotionly just before leaving the room and smashing the door violently behind her she shouted at him, how blind he must be not noticing A´s love and intimacies she offers to him.

Bang - it was like a hit on his head which suddenly opened a totally new view to the situation. Hearing C´s last words like an echo in his ears, staring at the closed door in front of him, he only stood there unable to catch a sensible thought, seing only A in a glamorous light, splendid and attractive and so unfamiliar he hardly could believe that he knows her. And what did he indeed know from her? He decided to find out immediatly, forgetting quarrel, love and hate and C.

So in the end we had a very clear result of our test-proceeding: Putting 3 people together will made you 1 couple and 1 being left alone. But, as I said, there were other possibilities thinkable, e.g. B and C or even A and C, why in our case it had to be A and B we can neither explain nor imagine - fate perhaps?

And there she went off, not asking or speaking, not arranging a later meeting or something like this. I am surprised, sitting in my chair and do neither know her name nor why she did this for me.

It was a terrible day, our course went to London, "sightseeing", being in England for 3 weeks certainly implies a tour to the capital, even if it is raining cats and dogs and nobody actually wants to go out, you had to. So we went, guarded by an english expert, showing us all the cathedrals, churches and famous buildings London had to offer. The afternoon was free for shopping and making own plans. If the weather had been better, we would have been interested to see and visit more, but walking in the rain since the early morning everyone only longed for a dry place. I had lost the others in the crowds of men and umbrellas, so I just entered the next café, shattering and feeling cold and really wet through the bones. Near a window I found a free place and ordered a cup of tea. Having warmed up a little I noticed the central heating and grabbed my jacket to hang it over for drying. In this second I banged with the arm on my cup and nearly the whole tea was spread over my trousers, so after cold wetness I was hot wetted now and table, chair and bottom were swimming in tea, too. "It´s really not my day, today" I murmured while going to the waitress for explaining my misfortune, apologizing and ordering a new cup of tea. They were all very friendly and full of pity and gave me towels for rubbing my trousers, but I felt awfully ashamed about it and would have left the café immediatly, but there was the new tea and the thought that I had to stay for not insulting the helpful waitresses. And there was the rain outside, not a nice place there either, so I sat down again, with my wet trousers and tried to be careful with the new cup of tea, coming soon, concentrating on my shaking hands. All my thoughts were gone, inside my head was only gloomy darkness and a depressing mood was growing up.

Sitting there, stareing without seing anything, I shrieked up, when a rough voice asked for the free place at my table. I nodded, totaly confused, and the person, I hadn´t seen her entering the café, took place next to me, starting immediatly reading a book. So I had time to come back to reality and the actual situation and could "inspect" her without harm. It was a lady between 40 and 50 perhaps, expressing strength with her whole body, thin, musceled, not very female, and exspecially her face, lips like a line, long nose and nearly black eyes with a glimpse of sadness and the expression of a strong will which has been proved a lot. She wasn´t a person to get in contact easily and I wasn´t in the mood to search for contact, so we both let silence reign and went on drinking tea, staring without seing, reading. My thoughts went to the course, all the new persons I wasn´t able to get in contact with and from there immediatly to selfhate and wishes of dieing immediatly, because whatever I had tried to become a member of a group of young people, it was failure, again and again, and I always found myself in the role of the outsider who was different from all the others and was regarded suspiciously. There were thoughts about taking sleeping-pills with alcohol, cutting myself with a knife, jumping from a high building, mixed with thoughts of responsibility, life as a present, the sadness of my family, the irreal hope that there might come a change sometimes later, but the desire of being dead and leaving all this life-stuff behind grew nevertheless.

"Another cup of coffee please", the waitress had come and stood besides the table "and well, can I order something for you, too?" I looked up, saw her face, the strength and somewhere the link to her heart, she never would show directly. "Oh, I don´t know, I..." "You´ve just finished your tea, havn´t you?" "Yes, but..." "So what? Another tea then?" "Well, yes, thank you for the invitation" "Invitation! I´m only sitting there, don´t want to go out, as you" and she went on reading again. Tea and coffee arrived, we drank, but there was no chance to break in her circle of roughness and strength. Nevertheless there was something between us now, which helped me to get away from negative thoughts. When she left I saw for a second something white looking out under her jacket: wings?